The last few days have been heart wrenching. We had to put our Titan to sleep.
I’ve never had to decide the fate of an animal in my life. As I’ve said before, John works out of town. Titan is our dog, but since day 1, he’s been John’s dog. Whenever John would come home from a two week turnaround, Titan would jump and lick his face and wag his tail so much that his back end would move with the tail. When he was home, John would take Titan out to the garage to work on his stock car, out in the truck to run errands and even to the race tracks in the States. Titan loved his dad.
Titan was well loved by all who surrounded him. Anyone who has met Titan has seen the love he had for all people. No one could get a foot through our door without Titan sniffing you out and trying to lick your face. People would come and sit down in the living room and he would jump up on the couch next to you, or squeak a toy in your face. He would never drop it but he liked to watch you try and take it from him.
In the last few days, I have received so many beautiful messages, phone calls and Facebook condolences. Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. I have not responded to them, but I’ve read them and appreciated the moments you took to let me know how great of a dog Titan is (having a hard time using past tense. I know that is correct, but I’m not ready to let go). One particular message has resonated with me, it was from a good friend of mine. We haven’t spoken in years, but it meant so much to me that he would send me such a thoughtful message:
“Hey Carly….. totally random I know, just had to tell you……… being a relatively new pet owner (Trooper) is just over a year old now, and is MY first dog, though my girlfriends family have had a few over the years. I was with their parents when their last guy passed on, and back then, not being a pet owner it was hard as shit, but I can tell you I read your first blog about it this morning and you, (and titan and family) were on my mind all day…. reading this story, (and hearing the tragic news) made me truly appreciate how much having a dog has even changed ME in the last year, I can’t even comprehend what you guys are going through…… OUR most SINCERE condolences, knowing your personality Carly, (and I can only assume everyone around you) I bet Titan had the best 6 years of his life! all I can say is I hope I do my boy justice when he does go, like you have Titan…. like I said couldn’t have had better owners I bet, and thanks Carly for making me understand what a prideful thing being a pet owner can be….. Love ya, and thinking of you tonnes right now”
John’s dad and I made the final decision with consulting with John. It was happening at 8pm on Monday evening. John had to say his goodbyes over the phone and he hated that. I hated it too, I wished that John could’ve been here.
On the way out to meet the veterinarian, I was crying, starting to second guess my decision, I kept wondering if it was too soon, or if there was anything else we could do for Titan. Every reason I could think to not do it were selfish. I needed to think about what Titan would have wanted.
When we arrived, the vet pulled in behind us, we got out of the truck and he asked if it was Titan. The vet was the first vet we saw on Saturday, the one who said that the fact that Titan had lost all feeling in his back paws was a bad sign. He took the x-rays and explained them to me. The vet also said to us that we were doing the right thing. Hearing that, made me forget about my second thoughts. I didn’t want to lose my Titan, but if it meant he would not suffer anymore. It had to be done. He gave Titan a good sedative and he laid his head in my lap and I comforted him. I asked the vet if there was anything more we could’ve done for Titan. He replied, no. Had we have let him see it through, he may have died a horribly painful death not too long after.
His injury was a trauma injury. The vet had guessed the injury would’ve happened on Thursday. I explained that we were playing with his toys outside. I would launch his toys (launch is a far stretch, I throw like a 3 year old), down our yard. We played for about 45 minutes. I did not notice an injury though. The vet said he may have just jumped the wrong way and caused the disc to slip. Titan had lost all bladder and bowel control so this would’ve ruled out any type of wheelchair. As for the surgery option, it wasn’t even an option. I asked if Titan was in pain, he told me that because of Titan’s elevated heart rate when I took him in on Saturday, he was. He still was up until he was given the sedative.
I was able to hold Titan until he went peacefully. I did not want him to see my cry so I pet his head and talked to him the entire time. I was able to kiss his face and tell him that he would not be in pain anymore. After he was gone, I sat there for 10 minutes at least, holding him. I then cried.
I’m going to remember Titan for all of the good times, and for the happiness he brought into our home. He showed us unconditional love and he was and always will be loved.
Rest in peace my beautiful boy.