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A little perspective

This past week, has been quite an emotional one for me. I looked at my son and realized, he is growing up so fast, and will only be little once.

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I had to break down the amount of hours that I actually see my little man. It’s not enough. I have been back to work now for a little over 7 months and still cannot believe how much he’s grown. I work Monday to Friday 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. My fiancé works out of town, 1 week on 1 week off.

Here is a typical weekday:

  • 6:00-6:30 am – Wake up
  • 6:30 am – Feed Evan breakfast in his highchair while I get ready for work. Once done, get him dressed, brush his teeth and get ready to leave.
  • 7:20 am – Leave the house for daycare
  • 7:40 am – Try to get Evan to let go of my leg so that I can make it to work. Some days are better than others. He loves daycare but I know he misses me.
  • 8:00-4:00 pm – Work
  • 4:00 pm – Leave work excitedly to see my little guy
  • 4:30 pm – Leave daycare and head home
  • 4:50 pm – Get dinner started and play with Evan (inside or outside)
  • 5:30 pm – Eat dinner
  • 6:00 pm – Play time (inside or outside)
  • 7:00 pm – Bath time/Play time/Flood the bathroom time
  • 7:30 pm – Pyjamas, brush teeth and bedtime for Evan

The actual amount of hours spent with Evan: 4 hours

Actual amount of quality time spent with Evan: 2.5 hours

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To me this is crazy! Evan is well taken care of at daycare but she is the one raising my son. It makes me realize that I need to spend more quality time with him especially on the weekends. I’m learning that dishes can wait, laundry can remain unfolded because I won’t be able to get this time back. Life is short and there aren’t enough hours in a day but you need to make the most of those hours.

I guess everyday is just a constant battle of balance…

Any advice?

 

My Handsome Boy

3 Months In!

I’ve officially been back to work for 3 months!

Here are some of the things that have happened in the last three months:

  • Evan officially started to walk 2 weeks before his first birthday. He was so proud of himself and now, he is walking laps around the house. I am so proud of my little guy and am looking to many more of his milestones! !
  • Evan had his 1st Birthday! Evan’s first birthday was a very quiet and small event. We had his grandparents over for dinner, cake and gifts. I wanted to keep it small as there will be plenty of opportunity for the big, expensive birthdays in the future.
  • My fiancé switched jobs to be home every other week! I am looking forward to more family time together and selfishly, more mommy time!
  • I love my job! With all of it’s tight deadlines and constant multi tasking, it keeps me on my toes and eases how much I miss my little man.

This post was more of an update as I’ve been a little MIA in the last few months. I am still, trying to create a work-life balance.

Thanks for visiting!

love

Not enough hours in a day…

This past week was a big one for Evan and I. I returned to work, but to a new job and Evan started daycare. I did not stop all week from 6am-8pm. It’s been a real struggle to achieve anything close to a balance.

My first day of work was the hardest. When I dropped Evan off at daycare I cried in my car. I knew that my days of hanging out with my boy were over and it was sad to me. I knew that daycare would be great for him and that he would enjoy it. But I was going to miss hanging out in our pjs until noon and heading to a park, or for a walk or to spend money that I shouldn’t at the mall. He cried a little as well but, my daycare lady sent me pictures shortly after I had dropped him off to reassure that he was happy and enjoying himself.

My days start at 6am, and Evan wakes up with me. I feed him breakfast while I get ready, then get him ready to go. We arrive at daycare for 7:45am, and I leave by 7:55am. I head to work and work until 4:30. I then pick him up, head home and make dinner. We eat by 6:00pm and then we play and hang out until 7:00pm. We have a bath, he has a bottle of milk and then he’s off to bed by 8:00pm. Once he’s asleep I clean up the kitchen, make my lunch, prepare his bag and I shower and do my hair. I’m usually in bed by 9:30pm.

What makes it feel so overwhelming is the fact that Johnny is out of town and a lot of it depends on me. I feel like I never have time to see friends. I also don’t have my much needed breaks. I was lucky however that John was in town this week, but I won’t again until December 2.

This weekend was dedicated to cleaning the house, laundry and visiting Evan’s grandparents. It’s Sunday night and it’s 9:00pm. I feel like I can finally relax, but now I’ve got to get ready to head to bed and do it all over again tomorrow.

I know that I will eventually have all of this under control, but right now I feel that it is so hard to spend my quality time with my son, fiancé and still manage to keep the house clean and get enough sleep.

If I had an extra hour everyday, it would make all of the difference…

If you have any tips for getting back into a routine, please comment!

So here we go again! Goodnight!

Carly!

banana pancakes

A Quick Recipe: Banana Pancakes

I’ve been looking for healthy breakfast ideas for my little man to make things interesting for him when I came across the following recipe on Pinterest from http://www.recipebyphoto.com. My son ate both small pancakes that I gave to him! He loved them!

These Banana Pancakes are Gluten free, Paleo friendly and are very high protein.

Ingredients:

1 Banana

2 Eggs

1/4 tbs of cinnamon

Prep:

1. Mash your banana in a bowl

2. Add Eggs to banana

3. Add Cinnamon

4.  Combine all ingredients to a smooth consistency. Use a hand mixer if needed.

Cooking:

On a greased frying pan or griddle set to medium high heat and gently scoop some of the mixture into the pan. Cook until both sides are a golden brown colour.

Serve with maple syrup if you would like! I served them with strawberries and Evan loved them.

Enjoy!

balance

What do you do to achieve balance?

As my first day of work approaches, I keep worrying that I will be unable to balance it all. New job, Evan, hubby working out of town, fitness goals, friends, family, errands, chores, finances, sanity, a clean house…

I feel like all of this anxiety is weighing down on me. Will I be able to do it all?

I sure hope that I can. It will all take some time to get readjusted and back into the swing of things.

Does balance exist?

What are some of the things that you do to achieve balance?

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Gone, but never forgotten

The last few days have been heart wrenching. We had to put our Titan to sleep.

I’ve never had to decide the fate of an animal in my life.  As I’ve said before, John works out of town. Titan is our dog, but since day 1, he’s been John’s dog. Whenever John would come home from a two week turnaround, Titan would jump and lick his face and wag his tail so much that his back end would move with the tail. When he was home, John would take Titan out to the garage to work on his stock car, out in the truck to run errands and even to the race tracks in the States. Titan loved his dad.

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Titan was well loved by all who surrounded him. Anyone who has met Titan has seen the love he had for all people. No one could get a foot through our door without Titan sniffing you out and trying to lick your face. People would come and sit down in the living room and he would jump up on the couch next to you, or squeak a toy in your face. He would never drop it but he liked to watch you try and take it from him.

In the last few days, I have received so many beautiful messages, phone calls and Facebook condolences. Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. I have not responded to them, but I’ve read them and appreciated the moments you took to let me know how great of a dog Titan is (having a hard time using past tense. I know that is correct, but I’m not ready to let go). One particular message has resonated with me, it was from a good friend of mine. We haven’t spoken in years, but it meant so much to me that he would send me such a thoughtful message:

“Hey Carly….. totally random I know, just had to tell you……… being a relatively new pet owner (Trooper) is just over a year old now, and is MY first dog, though my girlfriends family have had a few over the years. I was with their parents when their last guy passed on, and back then, not being a pet owner it was hard as shit, but I can tell you I read your first blog about it this morning and you, (and titan and family) were on my mind all day…. reading this story, (and hearing the tragic news) made me truly appreciate how much having a dog has even changed ME in the last year, I can’t even comprehend what you guys are going through…… OUR most SINCERE condolences, knowing your personality Carly, (and I can only assume everyone around you) I bet Titan had the best 6 years of his life! all I can say is I hope I do my boy justice when he does go, like you have Titan…. like I said couldn’t have had better owners I bet, and thanks Carly for making me understand what a prideful thing being a pet owner can be….. Love ya, and thinking of you tonnes right now”

John’s dad and I made the final decision with consulting with John. It was happening at 8pm on Monday evening. John had to say his goodbyes over the phone and he hated that. I hated it too, I wished that John could’ve been here.

On the way out to meet the veterinarian, I was crying, starting to second guess my decision, I kept wondering if it was too soon, or if there was anything else we could do for Titan. Every reason I could think to not do it were selfish. I needed to think about what Titan would have wanted.

When we arrived, the vet pulled in behind us, we got out of the truck and he asked if it was Titan. The vet was the first vet we saw on Saturday, the one who said that the fact that Titan had lost all feeling in his back paws was a bad sign. He took the x-rays and explained them to me. The vet also said to us that we were doing the right thing. Hearing that, made me forget about my second thoughts. I didn’t want to lose my Titan, but if it meant he would not suffer anymore. It had to be done. He gave Titan a good sedative and he laid his head in my lap and I comforted him. I asked the vet if there was anything more we could’ve done for Titan. He replied, no. Had we have let him see it through, he may have died a horribly painful death not too long after.

His injury was a trauma injury. The vet had guessed the injury would’ve happened on Thursday. I explained that we were playing with his toys outside. I would launch his toys (launch is a far stretch, I throw like a 3 year old), down our yard. We played for about 45 minutes. I did not notice an injury though. The vet said he may have just jumped the wrong way and caused the disc to slip. Titan had lost all bladder and bowel control so this would’ve ruled out any type of wheelchair. As for the surgery option, it wasn’t even an option. I asked if Titan was in pain, he told me that because of Titan’s elevated heart rate when I took him in on Saturday, he was. He still was up until he was given the sedative.

I was able to hold Titan until he went peacefully. I did not want him to see my cry so I pet his head and talked to him the entire time. I was able to kiss his face and tell him that he would not be in pain anymore. After he was gone, I sat there for 10 minutes at least, holding him. I then cried.

I’m going to remember Titan for all of the good times, and for the happiness he brought into our home. He showed us unconditional love and he was and always will be loved.

Rest in peace my beautiful boy.

Carly

 

Titan

A Difficult Post

I’ve been staring at this screen for hours now. Thinking about whether or not I should write this and put it out there. Here goes nothing…

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Lives can change in an instant, yesterday morning started out amazingly. I took my dog out as usual and noticed he was a little off. He almost tumbled down the stairs and was walking very gingerly with his back paws. When I followed Titan back up the stairs it was like he was drunk, he almost fell backwards on me.

I thought maybe he was tired, or a bit sore. He is only 6 years old, maybe just a rough day. I decided to get Titan some aspirin as I thought he was sore, but as I was just about to leave the house, I watched him while in a sitting position, try to drag himself to his kennel. This was absolutely heartbreaking, ‘What is going on?’ I let John know what was happening as he is currently in Saskatoon working. He told me to get him to the vet. It didn’t matter the cost. So I loaded Evan into the truck and went in the house to bring Titan out.

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What a painful sight that was, he couldn’t put his weight on his back legs, he just dragged them behind him. I had to lift him, all 97lbs of him into the truck. I called our vet and spoke with the after-hours people and my vet called me shortly thereafter. He told me that it sounded like something in his spine. He told me he would be about a half hour so I headed towards the vet office. They led Titan toward the x-ray table, but he wouldn’t go. I led him to the x-ray table and I noticed his back toes were curled behind him as if he didn’t have feeling in his feet. The vet said that that was not a good sign. I went back to the waiting room and waited.

I was called back to go over the x-rays. Titan had a slipped disk that was putting immense pressure on his spinal cord and about 5 or 6 discs that were inflamed and jammed together. They let me know that this paralysis could be permanent. I cried and cried and cried. He is our first baby. I worried that he was in pain. They gave Titan a large dose of a steroid Dexamethasone to try and reduce the inflammation and hopefully release the pressure on his spinal cord.

I asked about what options are available to us. There is a surgery option, but our vet didn’t recommend it as it is very costly and would have to be done in the US. A wheelchair was another option and he told me that there was still a chance he would bounce back, but this would be a lifelong issue. I would have to call the office on Tuesday and let them know how he was doing and then make our decisions going forward. I don’t understand! How did he become paralyzed in just a matter of hours?

I called a girlfriend and she brought her boyfriend out to help me get Titan back into the house. Titan was so excited to see them and tried so hard to get up and greet them. My best friend was in tears. She had no idea it was that bad. My in-laws came over with dinner and helped me with Titan and Evan. I was so appreciative.

I just wanted to lay on the floor next to Titan all night. He needs to get better.titan3

Titan was born Dec 10, 2008. We picked him up in March of 2009. He was one of two German Shepards left and we loved him at first sight. We had always wanted an all-black German Shepard and he was perfect. He cried almost the entire drive back to our house. He was our baby. He still is. He is welcome on our bed every night.

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Last night was one of the first times that I didn’t have Titan at my feet in bed and it killed me. I woke up almost hourly looking for him on our bed. He wasn’t there. He was exactly where I left him last night. On his bed on the floor in the kitchen.

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Get better Titan!

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Whoa! I am beyond flattered!

I am beyond grateful and very flattered to have been nominated for the One Lovely Blog award by Laura Jayne! She is a new mom like myself and runs a fantastic blog called A Mums Daily Dilemmas. I’ve been following and reading her blog now for a few months and I love it. Thank you so much for the nomination! You have provided me with the much needed motivation to keep writing!

The Rules for Accepting the Award: 

  1. Thank and link back the person who nominated you.
  2. List the rules and display the award logo on your blog.
  3. Include seven facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate around 15 bloggers and let them know about the award.
  5. Follow the blogger who nominated you (if you haven’t already).

7 Facts about Me

  • Since my son was born, I’ve become a home body, even a bit of an introvert. I would rather stay home and play in the house or in the yard with my son and my dog.
  • My fiancé works out of town for 2 weeks and is home for a week at a time. I cry pretty much every time that he leaves. I’m very emotional but a happy person overall.
  • I am a good cook, I just dislike cooking.
  • I am a pushover, I have a hard time sticking up for myself and find that my blog is a great outlet for my frustrations.
  • I love being a mom. I feel like this was my calling in life.
  • I was raised in Northern Ontario but moved out to Calgary AB for a few years but moved back home after being away for 4 years. Home is where the heart is.
  • I wish I could be an entrepreneur, but I am not a risk taker. I want to work for myself, but have no idea what I could do.

 

Blogs that I recommend and nominate

  1. MercedSparkles – Great blog with almost daily posts about dreams, daily occurrences and funny stuff!
  2. Baby, Maybe? – A very personal and influential blog about infertility and everything involved with IVF. I am really pulling for them.
  3. Overweight and Dating – I love this blog! As an overweight woman I can really relate to the weight loss struggles.
  4. HarsH ReaLiTy – This blog really does have it all, parenting, relationships, photography etc. What drew me to this blog was his about his blog. I respected the honesty and have really enjoyed his posts.
  5. Colour the Moment – A mom of 3 and her blog about pretty much everything(including Pelvic Floors)!

Those are my favorite blogs including A Mums Daily Dilemmas. I know there are many more amazing blogs out there and I am slowly discovering them.

Thank you so much again for the nomination!! This was a fun post to do!

 

Carly!